"Do not camp under a coconut tree", and other pearls of wisdom from the UN

Since I'm bored out of my mind, I've been going through the UN security course for people going to field offices. Who knows... ;)

The stuff is not too bad and I've learned a couple of good things, but it also contains some incredibly ridiculous and dumb sentences.
I've been selecting my favourite and utterly most absurd comments and screen-copied them - the kind of things that makes me wonder
a) what kind of people do they hire in here??
b) what kind of people write these stupid courses?

Not disclosing anything, btw, all this is publicly available at http://dss.un.org - to their shame.

i. My favourite: Avoid camping under coconut trees. You stooopid idiot - if you can't survive a coconut attack, what will you do with the sal3awwa? (wild animals, say).





ii. According to the UN, this is what happens when you actually exert the effort to work:




don't you like the 'healthy-death' route? All if you overexert yourself...
Conclusion: Don't die - don't work.



iii. Very accurately describing the United Nations (in the chapter about stress):



iv. And this is how they rationalise Gluttony and Promiscuity:

Oh poor, poor overpaid UN personnel which has to drown its sorrows but humping anything that moves...



v. Not sure what to think about this one:

They should also add: also, suggest scented candles and massage oil.
More seriously -- it does make sense, but is this a serious recommendation?
Plus, doesn't it look like consent to a certain extent?

Aaaaaaanyways. More to come...